Things I Have Thought About Doing With My Phone But Could Not Do Because Its Touchscreen Is Dead
an exhausting yet incomplete list, in roughly chronological order
THURSDAY, JULY 23
Texting the recording engineer with whom I make audiobooks that my phone wasn’t working, so he wouldn’t be able to contact me (yes, this makes no sense, but this is a list of things I thought about, not a list of brilliant ideas I had)
Reading in my Libby or Kindle app while waiting outside the recording studio
Checking Twitter while waiting outside the recording studio
Checking Discord while waiting outside the recording studio
Checking my email while waiting outside the recording studio (I was only there for two minutes, but it is TERRIBLE to be alone with my thoughts)
Messaging my partner that the recording session was running longer than expected
Venmo-ing the recording engineer for his work (I paid him from my laptop when I got home, I’m not a monster)
Playing Run The Jewels in my car on the drive home
Answering the buzz of a WhatsApp message (yeah, yeah, I should have set up WhatsApp on my laptop but now I CAN’T)
Checking Twitter while it is blocked on my laptop (11pm to 7am every day)
Using the flashlight to find my way through my dark house on my way to bed, like a historical romance heroine carrying a candle instead of a normal person who knows what all the light switches in her house do
FRIDAY, JULY 24
Checking the time when I wake up
Checking the weather before I get out of bed
Checking my email before I get out of bed
Checking Twitter before I get out of bed
Calling the local AT&T Store when their website wouldn’t accept my payment for a new phone
Answering the buzz of a WhatsApp message
Forwarding some photos of paperwork from the Massachusetts Department of Transitional Assistance, at the request of one of the social workers I’m in contact with as part of my volunteer translation gig
Answering the repeated buzz of a WhatsApp call from my friend M, a Congolese immigrant I sometimes translate for (don’t worry I called her back through my laptop, the audio quality was terrible but she wasn’t having an emergency)
Checking Twitter while it is blocked on my laptop (10am to 12pm and 1pm to 4pm every weekday)
Checking Instagram while it is blocked on my laptop (ditto)
Taking a memorial photo of a lip balm tube that I finally used up, RIP Korres Mandarin Lip Butter Stick in Peach, you were not a flattering color on me but I could not resist your French-newspapers-in-the-1880s packaging, and in quarantine no one cares if my lip balm is flattering
Answering the buzz of a WhatsApp message (hearing these buzzes and being unable to respond really sucks)
Answering the buzz of a WhatsApp message (yes, again)
Answering the buzz of a WhatsApp message (nobody actually wants to talk to me that much, I’m just in a lot of groupchats)
Turning my phone off (requires use of the touchscreen)
Answering the buzz of a WhatsApp message (this is getting to be a Tell-Tale Heart situation here)
Listening to my audiobook files to check for mistakes
Taking a picture of our friends/neighbors/quarantine family’s cute dog
Taking a video of our feline demon as she very cutely tracked down, murdered, and devoured a fly
Controlling the music in my wireless speakers
Setting a timer
Sliding into someone’s DMs to gush about the romance novel I was reading
Checking email from bed
Checking Twitter from bed
Checking Discord from bed
Writing a sentence I should put into my draft later
Writing a note of all the things I needed to add to this list
